Voltaire

Yeah, yeah it’s been a heck of a long time since I’ve been here. I’m trying to get done with this college think, k. Also, it seems like I only ever update when I should be writing other things. *Cough*research paper*Cough* (Actually, it’s coming along pretty nicely).

Anywho, at our library, they have a suggestion board where they post what people have to say about the library, as well as the response from the Library Lady. After being hunched over a computer for a billion straight hours, here is my library suggestion:

Dear Library Lady,

I’m in the middle of writing a research paper (lame, but whatev’s) and after sitting and staring at a computer screen for *hours*, I want nothing more than to move. Not like going on a huge, mile long jog or anything, just some way of moving around as a study break to recharge my brain. My only problem is, is that when I’m in the library, and especially quiet area, pacing around and stretching seems like it would bother other students and that’s just not cool. And even if I do this in a non-quiet area it looks kind of weird anyway (apparently, this isn’t the rec and running around is generally frowned upon. Whoopsies, my apologies). Anywho, would it be possible for y’all to put a designated stretching, moving (and no-talking-about-school-for-five-minutes) area in the library? This way I could achieve my goal without bugging people and they won’t look at me funny b/c they’ll know what I’m doing.

Sparkles and sunshine,

K.

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I do not agree with what you have to say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.
-Voltaire

Let’s hope Voltaire would agree, yes?

When Innocent People Watching Goes South

The scene: Me sitting at the movie theater, chatting with Boyfriend on the BlackBerry. (Yeah, I was that human. I apologize.) (Also, I didn’t get an ICEE because the machine was down, so I don’t know yet if the theater has read my letter and amended the problem. I’ll keep you posted.)

Me: How’s your layover going?

Boyfriend: I’m having a good time people watching.

Me: Anything good?

Boyfriend: Yeah, this chick in a pink jumpsuit had the worst camel toe in history. I could see it from like 20 feet away.

Me: Hahahaha you should have told her something.

Boyfriend: Like what? Excuse me miss you vag is blowing in the breeze? lol

Me: Yes. Those words exactly.

Boyfriend: Haha. I’ll be sure to track her down.

Me: That would prolly be the nice thing to do.

Boyfriend: Is that any kind of public concern?

Me: Maybe. Or maybe she’s doing it so you’ll look down there.

Boyfriend: Possibly. It was just kinda hanging out there for the world to see. After all it is a free country.

Me: That it is. I probably would have looked too. One of those things that’s kinda hard to miss.

Boyfriend: Fo sho.

http://queenoftheawesome.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/a-letter/

A Letter

Two posts in one day. I Know! Can it get any better? Anyway, I wrote a letter to one of the movie theaters in town and it just tickled my funny bone so much that I thought I should share. I sincerely hope that this amuses you as much as it does me. Enjoy!

—————

Premiere is by far the better movie theater in the Bryan-College Station area. I would like to make one request, though. I enjoy an ICEE when I watch a movie at the theater but would it be too much trouble to have the ICEE straws, the ones with the little spoons on the end, available so that I can properly finish my ICEE? I always end up unintentionally slurping up the dregs and quite possibly annoying the heck out of my fellow movie-goers. Having the ICEE-spoon straws would prevent this and alleviate all problems involved. I thank you for your time and consideration of this letter.

Best,

Kayla Meyer

Maybe I Should Change This to Queen of the Rants

I love to travel, especially by plane. Maybe it’s because I didn’t do it very often as a kid or, somehow, Hollywood makes airports seem so glamorous, running for your plane (which I did in the San Antonio airport. NOT glamorous!), grabbing a bite to eat then boarding your plane, the nervous excitement that bubbles inside you as the jet engines push you back in your seat while taking off, the flight attendant (oh, you know she’s been part of the mile-high club since the 70s) politely offering you a complementary beverage, the unmistakable screech of tires on the runway as you land, the hustle and bustle to hurriedly de-board because everyone needs to be where they’re going right this very instant.

Even the crying little babies are charming. Well, kind of. But, like just about everything in life, there is a dark side to anything awesome, and for me and my commercial air travels, that would be the damn recycled air. There’s always that one person who is hacking up a lung with green goo waterfalling from their nose. Or if their nose doesn’t resemble Niagara, they’re sneezing that shit everywhere!

And it never fails, there is no tissue or towel or covered hand in sight. So that microscopic disease you just blew out of your body gets sucked up into your first class vent and spewed out my coach vent. (Maybe the lesson here is that I should just fly first class. But then you would just sneeze on me sitting right beside you, no recycled air needed. Well, shit, there goes that idea.) And who catches that nasty little buger? Oh yes, that would be this gal who insists upon flying from a humid, sea-level climate to an arid, mountainous (and freezing!) one and back again. My poor little immune system just doesn’t know what to do with itself with all that change going on. (I think I could make some sort of political reference here about change being not so bueno. Oh, well I guess I just did.) (And that, folks, is about as political as I will ever get on yall, scouts honor.)

Any-wayyy, I rant about this right now because here I sit, with my head in the proverbial vise from all the sinus pressure and my very own green Niagara Falls. At this point, I think I should take stock in Kleenex. Or maybe just buy the company outright. Oh, and guess what? Go on, guess! I get to do the whole commercial airplane thing again next week. That might sound all snarky and sarcastic, but the fact is, I am, predictably, SUPER EXCITED! It means that school will be over (for a few weeks anyway) and I will get to run into Boyfriend’s arms at the airport where we’ll hug and kiss each other in front of everyone, just like they do in the movies (collective, AWWWWW!!)

I’ll Be Back

School has been a veritable biatch as of late. (In case I haven’t already whined about it.)

As soon as exams, papers, etc. let up, I, like Arnold, will be back. Soon.

Until then, here’s some random, but significant, stuff from my life lately.

Today's mail

Got spaghetti from here

New BlackBerry. That's me in Vegas at the top of the Stratosphere. Also, note Brother's birthday on the 24th.

Ear bud that came with the new BlackBerry. Wearing it makes me feel cool.

It's magic, I swear.

Shut up. It's stress relief

Package for Boyfriend. Let's try this mailing-thing again.

Okay, back to the school work, kiddies.

Tales of Crazy Pt. 1 (Because There Are Just Way Too Many of Them for One Post)

I should be writing a paper because apparently that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re a senior college student. Sighhhh. Stupid professors. Stupid college wasting my perfect Sunday afternoon* when I could totally be catching up on 30 Rock episodes and enjoying my day of rest prescribed by Jesus himself. Even Jesus got to rest at least one day of the week. So I should be writing a paper (or resting, I guess) but instead I am, of course, procrastinating. Again. (See? I really am Queen of procrastinating).

Okay, I had a point here somewhere.

Oh yeah. This time my procrastinating was reading some old stories from Allie and she was writing about old roommates and it got me thinking of one of the girls I lived with last year. I shall call her Crazy. Because she was. Not like cute crazy (not really sure what defines “cute” crazy) or normal crazy (same here) but more like bat-shit, needs to be committed to an insane asylum and locked in a padded cell with a straight jacket on for her own safety kind of crazy. (It sounds mean but this is the honest to God’s truth. If in doubt, just ask ThuggyMac. She also lived with Crazy. In fact, there was me, ThuggyMac, Crazy and another girl I’ll call Baby Youngin’ because she was really young and despite what she knew thought she knew about the world she still had a lot to learn, like not to feed a goldfish three times a day or they die, but was a pretty sweet girl.)

Just ask any of us, and we’ll tell you Crazy was just that.

So, the four of us lived in a small four bed, four bath apartment. It wasn’t super small but it definitely wasn’t huge. Pets weren’t allowed but all of us had an animal at one point or another so it’s not really a big deal, I suppose. What was a big deal was the golden retriever Crazy had. It was way too gigantic for our small apartment. And when she was gone all day at school that poor thing would sit in her tiny room by itself all day! Then, she went out and got another dog that was mostly black lab and was huge and because he was still mostly a puppy, he was locked up in his cage all day! Two giant dogs in one tiny room! Geez. I felt so bad for those dogs. So I would wrangle them onto their leashes, by myself, and walk them around the neighborhood. She would come home and be all “Thank you SOOO much for taking care of my BABIES!!!” and I would be all “Pfft. I did it for the dogs, not you, cuz leaving them like that is not cool.”

Dudes, there’s so much more. Maybe I’ll have ThuggyMac write a guest post. She can tell you about the cans incident at a party they went to since she was there and I only heard it after the fact. Now it’s back to stupid school…

(*I started this post yesterday, which is why there are references to Sunday when today is Monday.)

Update: I just re-read that story and it was kind of unfunny/uncrazy. (Maybe I should have called the SPCA instead.) Anyway, the stories get better, I swear.

Up and Coming’s

So, I always come up with pretty cool ideas (at least, I think they’re pretty cool) to write about here when I shower but as soon as I turn the water off, my ideas go down the drain. (Pun, yes?) If I could only blog from the shower…

Well, I did remember a few ideas from tonight that I’m going to write about soon when it’s not 2:47 in the morning and I don’t have a quiz in lab tomorrow morning. And then dissect  the feline right after that with a lab partner who is a huge douche. Seriously, if he asks to borrow gloves again, he’s going to lose a hand and then he won’t need gloves. (Okay, that was kind of not nice. But asking to borrow gloves like four weeks in a row is not cool because that shit ain’t cheap and I got way better and far more important things to spend my money on. Like my new BlackBerry. Which is way cooler than stupid gloves.)

Anywayyy…

Here’s my list of up and coming blog posts by yours truly.

1. HJM vs. JR. The two elementary schools in my hometown. I will once and for all settle the debate about which is more awesome. I, of course, will be as unbiased as possible.
2. How Boyfriend and I met. I’ll have to make sure it’s cool with him first. There’s nothing incriminating about the story (at least I don’t think so). Just want to make sure, because you never know these days

Okay, so it’s only two ideas but it’s a start, right?

It’s bed time for this Queen.

And a Happy Belated (by like 3-ish hours) Birthday to Stephan. Yay 22!

Update: I’ll also have introduce you to Sophie and our (former) relationship. Also, please bear with me while I find the layout I like. I promise it will be soon, k?

Procrastination

I am Queen of all that is awesome, but I am also Queen of procrastination.

No, really.

(I don’t know. Maybe it’s just senior-itis?)

I have a giant ten page paper that was originally due tomorrow. ….And I have yet to begin. (Don’t judge me!)  But thanks-be to whoever you believe in, Professor extended the due date one week. GIANT SIGH OF RELIEF!

Also, I have an exam this Thursday and another ten page paper (rough draft only, though) due next week as well. And I have a few other random exams sprinkled in between now and finals.

So, what the eff have I been doing that would keep me from my oh-so-important school work?

Here’s a list:

• Watching way too much telly.
• Reading “Someday My Prince Will Come: True Adventures of a Wannabe Princess” by Jerramy Fine. Absolutely precious, rooting for Fine the whole way for her to find her prince.
• Telly.
• Reading for midterms. (I swear!)
• Telly.
• Quasi job hunting.
• Telly.
• Blog lurking.
• Telly.
• Netflix.
• Telly.
• Writing this blog post.
• Telly.

Did I lie about too much TV watching? Uh, I think I might have a problem. (Understatement?) Dear Lord, who knew someone could watch so much TV with only twenty-three channels. (And three of those are in a different language, and two are home shopping crap. Which puts me down to eighteen channels. Minus a few more that don’t show real TV.) Perhaps I should seek out TV’s Anonymous.

Senior-itis is a bitch like none other.

I guess I should stop writing this and go write my paper(s) instead.

P.S. I hope this makes even a little bit of sense. My poor sleep deprived, jet lagged brain needs serious rest.

Rants then Happiness

Let me be frank. THERE IS NO ‘S’ IN SOMEWHERE! It is not somewheres. Or even somewhere’s. Dorothy did not sing somewheres over the rainbow. MS Word and WordPress, here, underline the ‘word’ with red squiggles BECAUSE IT’S NOT A REAL WORD! So, stop tacking an ‘s’ on the end of somewhere. Thank you.

Also, I’ve been watching The Tudors on Netflix. Those English were crazy back then, acting like dirty harlots, marrying their cousins, beheading people left and right pretty much on a whim. The madness! And you know what’s even worse? Dirty Netflix streams seasons one and two to your computer. Gets you all worked up over Henry and Katherine’s divorce and Anne seducing Henry and their marriage and will Anne ever have a boy and finally Anne’s beheading and you want to know what happens next like RIGHT THIS INSTANT but Netflix is like Ha ha. Tricked you! Now you have to wait for it to come in the mail! And it’s going to take like three weeks to watch because you only get one DVD at a time. Blast!

Sighhhh. Now that I got that out of my system on to happier thoughts, yes?

Anyhow, I finally jumped on the bandwagon and invested in some bareMinerals. I say invested because that shit ain’t cheap. But holy crap it’s amazing! And worth every penny! Definitely worth the investment. (I guess it really is true when they say you get what you pay for.) (Also, who exactly is ‘they’?) I wish I could have taken a before picture. You’ll just have to trust me when I say my skin ain’t flawless. Here’s a picture of me after I applied it

Wearing (Mostly) Free T-Shirt. Also, Pippy Longstocking

and whoa, does my skin look smooth and creamy or what? And I’m also wearing new eyeshadow. Again, wasn’t cheap but so worth the money. And now I’m looking more fabulous than I have in quite some time.

The lesson, kiddies? Invest wisely, and you will be rewarded greatly. (And don’t put an ‘s’ on the end of somewhere.)

P. Diddy, Band of Merry Thugs and Yogurt

I was writing a post earlier about how poopy I felt after waking up on the wrong side of the bed this morning (actually I guess it was yesterday morning now), but then it got all long and boring and maybe a little too whine-y and complain-y. And that’s just rude. So, instead, here are the awesome highlights.

Woke up remembering this dream where P. Diddy and his merry band of thugs (apparently P. Diddy has a merry band of thugs) were holding up a podunk piggly-wiggly and Bam Margera was there, as well as a bunch of other people in red plaid and overalls and ten gallon hats, and we were all terrified for our lives. Dude, it was SCARY! Does that not set precedence for an icky day or what?

Re-watched “She’s Out of My League” (HIL-ARIOUS. You should check it out) and watched “Diary of a Wimpy Kid.” Also, I was the only human in that theater that wasn’t a parent or a kid so I kind of felt like a pedophile.

Went home, had some down time watching the telly and talking to Boyfriend. (Always makes me feel better :) )

Decided my tummy and taste buds needed frozen yogurt.

Yummy AND Patriotic

AND! right as I pulled into the parking lot I remembered that my punch card was full and I GOT A (mostly) FREE T-SHIRT! (I had to pay the $3 difference or something like that.)

(Mostly) Free T-Shirt

AND! (M)FTS is made by American Apparel so it’s totally legit.

I guess it ended up being a pretty stellar day after all.

Now, if P. Diddy (and band of merry thugs) will leave me and podunk people alone, I shall sleep a lot better tonight.